The Glamour Gutter

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The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Sat Aug 13, 2016 6:47 pm

Tired of untrustworthy, boring and not-extremely-libelous news? Then pick up your copy of the Glamour Gutter today! Silvermoon's most TRUSTED news source!

The Glamour Gutter (available in most Silvermoon general stores or via Ley Line subscription) delivers only the most dramatic and happening news, including:

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READER SUBMISSIONS

The Glamour Gutter welcomes reader submissions, including opinion pieces, reviews etc. Interviews may be granted if you have done something juicy enough. Contact Celesse Nightsong.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Sat Aug 13, 2016 6:48 pm

DEMONIC INVASION OF SILVERMOON TOMORROW NIGHT

Silvermoon recently saw a sudden influx of “demon hunters”, warriors corrupted by demons in order to heighten their prowess. However, this was clearly only the beginning of the demon intrusion, as investigations carried out by the Glamour Gutter reveal that a full-blown demonic invasion is expected in Silvermoon on Sunday the 14th, tomorrow evening.

The demon hunters in this city have been dispatched from their base in the demonic Outland in order to investigate the threat of demons in Azeroth, and they have discovered that a Legion attack is planned to occur tomorrow evening at approximately 20:00. Demon hunters in correspondence with the Glamour Gutter reveal that they have already been engaged in battle with a number of demons in Silvermoon, and that they are expecting far more to appear tomorrow night.

One demon hunter revealed that they expect more demons to already be lurking in Silvermoon in disguise, walking among us in the guise of decent, ordinary elves. These demons might be your wife, your son, or even your next-door neighbour! We caution everyone to trust no one, and not to leave the house unarmed.

While ostensibly in Silvermoon to aid us against the demon hordes, some have questioned whether it is safe or appropriate to permit the demon hunters entry to Silvermoon. Concerns have been raised regarding whether these demon hunters could be a danger both to the lives of our fellow elves, and to decent elven family values.

The Glamour Gutter asked one of these demon hunters about her condition. She stated that her condition was self-inflicted, and that she had become a demon hunter by “killing demons and absorbing their souls”. The Glamour Gutter asked whether this had had any impact on the demon hunter’s conduct or attitude, which she confirmed.

“I absorbed a succubus, which changed my personality”, said the demon hunter. She explained that since her transformation, she sometimes acted in ways that were very distressing to other elves, including making very bold sexual advances. She stated that it was very difficult to contain this demonic influence, which should be distressing to any readers concerned about the purity of our youth and the rest of society.

The Glamour Gutter will continue its coverage as the situation develops. In the event that Silvermoon is razed by the demon hordes and no life remains in the smouldering ashes, the Glamour Gutter will continue to be available from our Booty Bay distributor. Please contact our service centre for purchase information.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Tue Aug 16, 2016 11:35 am

VICTORY in Battle of Silvermoon

A fierce attack on Silvermoon carried out by the Burning Legion was beaten back by the city’s tenacious defenders this weekend. Heroes from all over Quel'thalas banded together to defend the city, demonstrating once again that indomitable spirit of (blood) elvenkind. The Glamour Gutter spoke to one of the heroes of the Battle of Silvermoon, who had this to say immediately following the battle:

“We won! We did it! Eat that, you sucky demons!”

The defence by the mighty Quel'thalas Farstriders, as well as a diverse group of other elven heroes from all walks of Silvermoon life, is sure to have rattled Legion leaders, who will now no doubt think twice before encroaching on elven territory in the future. Some speculate that the Legion has now updated its campaign plans, specifically excluding Quel'thalas from all future offensives launched by the demons as they continue to fight the lesser races.

Although the Legion forces were beaten back, the innovative tactics deployed by the demons should be cause for concern for other Azeroth militaries. The Battle of Silvermoon saw the Legion use special psychological warfare tactics, including a specialised morale dampening combat broadcasting platform (which in this case took the form of an imp shouting insults at the defending troops from atop a statue). The Glamour Gutter’s reporter on the scene described the psychological attacks employed by the imp as “pretty annoying”.

Another memorable instance of psychological warfare tactics employed by the Burning Legion was the succubus cheer squad, which took the field to empower the Legion forces through the use of mystical chants. Some of these incantations are reproduced below:

“L-E-G, I-O-N! What’s that spell? Legion, Legion, GIVE THEM HELL!”

“Legion pride! Legion pride! We’re steppin’ up, so step aside! We’re the best; we will get by! Surrender now, or you will DIE!”


As of yet, there has been no word from the Government as to how they plan to remove the wreck of the castle-sized demonic drill which appeared near the end of the battle. However, one frustrated official stated off the record that: “they could have at least waited to destroy it until it had dug its way underground. How the hell are we going to move this thing?”

The intentions behind the Legion deploying the giant drill are still unknown, but speculated reasons include “digging an attack route straight to Pandaria” and “stealing our sweet, sweet magma”. The Glamour Gutter stands ready to report as further details come to light.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Sun Aug 21, 2016 3:21 pm

Avoid aging with this one weird trick!

Silvermoon woman, 200, looks 100 using this one weird trick. Apothecaries hate her! Read on, and learn her amazing secret!

For centuries, Silvermoon healers from the medical establishment have been telling you that the only way to stay fit and healthy is through expensive fitness programmes, complicated diets and holy magic. But what they don't tell you is that you can stay slim and beautiful by changing only one little thing in your daily routine! No sweaty workshops required, no spreadsheets of meal planning and calorie data, just one trick that'll cut your daily stress tenfold.

According to Valara Trueflight, the woman who discovered this weird trick, it has not only helped her to stay young and attractive, but it has also helped her in her personal and professional life by strengthening her confidence and earning her the respect of her superiors.

"I used to worry a lot, and I would always shy away from confrontation and from conversations with people I didn't know. But with the help of that one trick, I am now much more sure of myself. I am able to hold my own in discussions, and I will regularly just float up to random strangers and start a conversation. It's like I'm a totally different person!"

Despite Valara's amazing success, she has faced some difficulties from peers who are jealous of the way her life has suddenly turned to the better.

"The other day, I floated up to my friend to say hello, but she just looked shocked and disdainful. 'Use the door, or don't come at all, you nearly gave me a heart attack' is what she said. It hurt my feelings, and I just felt so betrayed!"

The Glamour Gutter asked Valara if she felt any regret from using her amazing anti-aging trick, given the backlash from a small number of jealous friends and family members.

"Absolutely not. I am beautiful and young forever, and I love it! Frankly, if my friends are going to keep being jealous and annoying, I'm going to start haunting them."

The Glamour Gutter points out that any readers who wish to follow Valara Trueflight's lead and join the ranks of the undead should consult a doctor first to ask whether becoming a ghostly apparition is right for them.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Tue Aug 30, 2016 12:46 pm

Horde gathering to address Legion threat ends in infighting

Leaders of Horde organisations recently gathered in the Stonetalon Mountains in order to discuss the recent attacks by the Burning Legion on Azeroth. However, the meeting soon devolved into infighting and recriminations as representatives split into opposing factions. The meeting drew to a close as threats of violence destroyed what little hope of productive talks could exist for a meeting chaired by the bloodthirsty trolls of the Heritage of Zandalar.

The Heritage of Zandalar, a notorious troll organisation, was noted by the Glamour Gutter in a previous issue to have highly suspicious forewarning of the Legion invasions. However, the trolls of Zandalar, despite having advance knowledge of the Legion's coming, evidently chose to do nothing to forestall it. Eminent sources available to the Glamour Gutter have theorised that the Heritage of Zandalar may in fact have facilitated the Legion's coming, and that the trolls are conspiring with the Burning Legion to destroy elven family values as well as all of the elves.

The House of Yore returned to this latest Horde gathering. In a previous issue, the Glamour Gutter reported on this multi-species house's plans to strike against the Alliance in an operation entitled "Oaken Axe". Representatives from the House of Yore issued a statement that their mission had failed utterly, and that their forces were driven back. No doubt the leadership of the House of Yore, as well as any other organisations supporting this incompetent organisation, must be facing difficult questions from their membership. Might a violent revolution be brewing in the ranks of the House of Yore?

In a shocking turn of events, the House of Yore admitted to being allied with the mages of Dalaran, an Alliance organisation led by the human, Jaina Proudmoore. Jaina Proudmoore is a known war criminal, responsible for such acts as the mass murder of surrendered blood elves among the heroic Sunreavers, as well as of the illegal imprisonment of war hero Aethas Sunreaver without trial. The House of Yore stated that they were in constant correspondence with the mages of Dalaran, and had been actively aiding their efforts across Azeroth. The fact that this criminal house continues to get away with its treason, both to the Horde and to the elves of Silvermoon, is a sad reality, and comeuppance cannot come soon enough.

The demon hunters of the Illidari were present at the Horde gathering, and spoke openly in favour of the Alliance. The Illidari defended the enemies of Silvermoon and the Horde where they were challenged by other Horde organisations, and attempted to dissuade other attendees from taking hostile action against the despots and war criminals of the Alliance. Is the Illidari an Alliance-affiliated organisation? Can we afford to assume that they are not? Will our children be safe if we assume that the Illidari are not with the Alliance?

Other traitors among the attendees spoke in favour of the Alliance when the Mor'shan Marauders proposed continued vigilance and strikes against the enemy. With such rifts within the Horde, is it any wonder that other than Silvermoon, the rest of the Horde seems to have made no progress yet in its fight against the Burning Legion?

The Glamour Gutter reported on this latest Horde gathering through secret reporters among the guests of the gathering, as the Glamour Gutter's reporter to the last Horde gathering has faced a number of death threats from the organisations of the last Horde gathering for her brave journalistic efforts. The Glamour Gutter will press on with its mission to bring its readers the unvarnished truth of the shabby interior workings of this Horde with which Silvermoon finds itself temporarily associated.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Sat Sep 10, 2016 10:49 am

HOT or NOT: drinks in Dalaran

With the Legion burning and pillaging the land below, there’s no better time to get high by going to the flying city of Dalaran! Suspended in the air far above the sea, Dalaran is an oasis of calm and civilisation in a world on fire. Today, the Glamour Gutter visits the bars, inns and cafés of the city of magic, in order to tell you what is HOT and NOT.

The Filthy Animal

Do not be fooled into thinking that the name of this inn is some sort of cute, ironic hipsterism: the Filthy Animal is true to its name. Anyone misfortunate enough to enter this inn is greeted by skulls hanging from chains, smelly, never-washed furs covering the floors and walls, and bloodthirsty wolves left to roam freely on the dance floor.

If on some masochistic impulse you decide to stay and ask for a menu, your disappointment will only increase. Perhaps you would like to try their Frog Venom Brew, served in an unwashed wooden mug? Or perhaps their Firewater from the renowned wineries of Mulgore?

The food selection is no better. If you have any hopes of eating something that isn't dripping with fat, blood and grease, you'd better leave those hopes at the door. When you visit the Filthy Animal, fried bread and glazed, fatty meat are both the appetizer, main course and the dessert.

The only way one should visit the Filthy Animal is at gunpoint.

Verdict: NOT

The Legerdemain Lounge

Traditional Golden Age of Dalaran opulence combined with cutesy signage and a quirky, modern selection lends a pretentious, faux-indie quality to this long-standing, professional Dalaran business.

Amid slumping business, and supply constraints caused by Legion invasions, the Legerdemain lounge went through a corporate rebranding effort, repositioning itself as one of Azeroth's few hospitality business that are not primarily aimed at the travelling military and adventurer market, setting up a new, alcohol-free drinks menu.

Sadly, this business has a severe identity problem caused by a shoddy, incomplete restructuring. Ask one member of staff, and you will be presented with a list of hot teas, coffees and pastries. Ask another, and he will show you the old wine and spirits list from the Lounge's time as an adventurer's bar. Would you like a cupcake or a croissant, or perhaps a two-foot long monster of a cured ham?

The Legerdemain Lounge is a business that needs to sort itself out, badly, because its makeup is starting to slide.

Verdict: NOT. There are no prizes for effort.

A Hero's Welcome

Famed for its festive beer garden, A Hero's Welcome is a bar that knows its target demographic. With Alliance flags hung from every wall and dozens of beer barrels stacked against every wall, this is a bar that is aimed squarely at soldiers, mercenaries and adventurers in the Alliance armed forces.

Run by the separatist Ms Fairwind, a bitter, blue-eyed elf who refused to stand with her people in their hour of need, A Hero's Welcome spitefully applies a strict "no Horde" policy. However, judging from the lack of activity in the bar, this may have expanded to a "no customers" policy.

A Hero's Welcome is a less than mediocre bar with uninspired décor and a paltry drinks selection, focusing primarily on the low-cost, get-drunk-quick market segment. If you appear Horde-affiliated, they won't let you in, but frankly, you wouldn't want to get in anyway.

Verdict: NOT. You'd have a better bar-going experience in a trough.

Thuni's Underbelly Refreshments

How about visiting this quaint, independent bar, located in the fabulous Dalaran sewers, and trying some of their famous specialties such as fried "Rat Hands", "Underjelly" or their patented "Drinking Fluid"?

Verdict: how about NOT.

The Purple Parlor

What do you call a lounge that is so exclusive, it removed the only portal allowing guests to access it? How about "the only good place for drinks in Dalaran"?

Located near the top of the Violet Citadel, the Purple Parlor is a bar with a fantastic drinks selection, and an even more fabulous view. The Purple Parlor has deliberately chosen not to give guests any chairs or tables for this very reason - you are supposed to go to the Purple Parlor for its balcony. Guests can enjoy a majestic ocean view, the view of the bright spires of Dalaran below, as well as the view of the breathtaking hills and forests of the beautiful Broken Isles all around the lounge.

Turning to the selection, the Purple Parlor serves only the finest wines, both red, white and sparkling. Want a fine Eversong red wine? No problem. How about an exotic, mana-infused sparkling wine from the dangerous Outland? It's there. If you want something, and it has class, you can get it at the Purple Parlor.

You would be hard pressed to find anything about the Purple Parlor that isn't beautiful and immaculate. With the removal of the portal to the Purple Parlor, and with the winds of the Broken Isles preventing flying, visiting the Purple Parlor is only possible for those who know the secret of how to access it, which is shared only on a confidential basis to those who move in the right circles.

If you find yourself in Dalaran, go to the Purple Parlor immediately and never leave it.

Verdict: HOT

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Sat Sep 17, 2016 6:19 pm

Quel'thalas: vape nation

Despite the restoration of the Sunwell, Quel'thalas is still burdened with the problem of the Wretched. These crazed mana addicts overindulge in mana crystals and other sources of mana, which eventually drives them to madness and violence against their fellow elves. However, new developments in mana crystal technology may offer addicts a low-risk way of satisfying their cravings.

The Sunwell was recently restored by the brave Sunreavers, following its destruction by the monstrous Scourge. With its restoration, our people no longer have to depend on mana crystals just to survive. However, as any elf of taste will know, mana crystal culture is still alive and well, and only the most tediously puritan have stopped using mana crystals entirely.

A new innovation by Magister Riverwind promises to simulate the sensation of tapping a mana crystal without the addictive mana content. His invention, dubbed “vape crystals”, look just like regular mana crystals, but instead of concentrated mana, they contain an arcane distillation of water vapour. If the owner attempts to siphon mana from these vape crystals, the distillation convinces the body that it is receiving mana, even though the crystals do not actually contain any.

The Glamour Gutter has spoken to several users of these vape crystals.

“Vape crystals are great!”, said one vape crystal user. “Only a moron would keep using mana crystals now that vape crystals are available. Back when the Sunwell was down, I only used mana crystals when I absolutely had to. Now that it’s back up, I’m not going to keep using mana crystals like all those sheep down in the Wayfarer’s. It’s all just peer pressure, and none of those idiots have the courage to stop no.”

“Vaping is both cool and good”, said another user.

Despite the benefits of vape crystals, some in Silvermoon have voiced their disapproval of the new technology. Some of their comments are included below:

“Vaping is as lame as those fake demon hunter blindfolds that posers put on to try to impress people.”

“Vaping makes you look like a douchebag.”

“It’s annoying as hell when I have to look at you tapping your stupid vapor crystals when I’m trying to have dinner at a restaurant. Keep your dumb shit away from me when I’m trying to eat.”

Vape crystals are currently available from select retailers in Silvermoon, but are not yet as widely available as mana crystals.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Thu Sep 22, 2016 2:29 pm

Shouted from the gutter: reader opinions

A reader-submitted article by Malixia Darksinger


Angry Warlock? Damn right I’m angry.

Earlier last month, in an inn right here in Silvermoon, I spotted several mercenaries arguing the case for warlock witch hunts. A question that’s been haunting me for decades started running like ticker tape across my mind: Why do people hate warlocks so much?

It’s a question I’ve been wrestling with for many years. This time, I thought I might shake some new answers loose by investigating Horde society and the way it’s become a hall of mirrors that, while often distorting, nevertheless reflects the pervasiveness of anti-warlock attitudes.  But I proceeded cautiously, even as the vile things that warlocks endure in public had me peeping between horrified fingers.

And then came the brutal murder in the ruins of Farstrider square, of a young warlock forced to carry out her masters will. The murder was celebrated by her murderers in the most vile way possible, being branded as “justice”.

What will it take to change this? How long will every warlock we know have to go on playing a kind of daily Ratchet roulette with their lives next time they venture from Quel'thalas or Lordaeron? And what will it take for the Horde to recognise the magnitude of the problem?

I wish those who take offence at difficult questions about the murderous extremes of paladins and priests could know the grace and compassion with which some witch-hunt survivors manage to ask: “What broke these monsters so badly they had to break me in turn?”

The truth is that we live in a superstitious world that overpromises to the Light, conspires to withhold valuable life and common decency from them, and then encourages them to take their inevitable disappointment and frustration out on warlocks. And how do they pick these warlocks? Research suggests that while necromancers and hexxers are killed mostly because they’re easy prey, warlocks are often chosen for the outrageous sin of independence.

So don’t explain to me why you’re one of the good guys. Instead, speak up the next time your colleague says something demeaning about warlocks. Say “that’s racist” when next you hear a warlocks Succubus companion is refused a drink at the inn. Report death threats to the guards. Talk to your guild mates, and tell them the same thing: that all forms of magic deserve to be studied without those who study it sacrificing their freedom and dignity.

I stay angry because rage is fuel: it feeds the fight for a better world.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Sat Oct 01, 2016 2:27 pm

Suramar reopens after 10,000 year renovation

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Following ten thousand years of seclusion, the grand city of Suramar has reappeared on the Broken Isles. The Glamour Gutter is on the ground in hostile territory to tell you whether reopened Suramar is a new fabulous destination for a night out, or a dud which should have stayed hidden.

Downtown Suramar

When arriving in Suramar for a night out, one of your first feelings is likely to be disappointment. Finding a bar in sprawling Suramar is a nearly insurmountable challenge, and if you do find one, it’s likely to be the size of a closet. The only bar we found had one cramped room, no tables and no chairs. The citizens of Suramar may be too busy to sit down for a drink, but the city’s standing bars are no great treat for visitors

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Such exciting Suramar destinations as the bar in the cupboard under the stairs.

In case you’re curious about the drinks selection, it’s paltry. No amount of mana infusion makes up for the fact that having been trapped behind a magical shield for 10,000 years, Suramar has not had access to quality ingredients for quite some time. No wine list, no cocktails, no point.

While the city’s winding channels and quaint gondolas lend downtown Suramar an old-fashioned romantic appeal, after a while it starts to smack of trying too hard. The city is cold and clinically planned, and the cute little gondolas are all identical, as if they had been made at a factory. The constant patrols by armed guardsmen combined with the city’s unconvincing facade of idyllic old-world charm lend Suramar the air of a theme park under martial law.

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Pictured: not fooling anyone.

If you do visit Suramar, one destination worth visiting is the city’s fantastic zoo. Nestled in a corner of Suramar behind high walls, the zoo features a fabulous collection of animals from all regions of the world, kept in pens resembling their native habitats. The fact that these animals have maintained their populations during Suramar’s 10,000 years of seclusion is clearly a testament to the hard work of Suramar’s amazing zookeepers. If you go to Suramar and you do not visit the zoo, you are doing yourself a disservice.

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Bring the whole family!

Overall, Suramar is a bit of a disappointment. Perhaps now that the city has been reopened, it will have a chance to use its great wealth to reinvent itself once it has had more exposure to superior blood elven culture. However, for now, Suramar is hardly worth a visit. If you were planning to take your next holiday in Suramar, consider waiting another 10,000 years.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Wed Oct 19, 2016 10:12 am

Masked man of mystery

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Reports are pouring in of a mysterious masked man who has been fighting demons, winning battles and saving lives across the entire world for well over a month. Although the man hides his face behind a mask, he is described as being well built, fabulously handsome and as having long, demonic horns and fel-green tattoos.

The hero has been spotted dealing justice on the Broken Isles, on Draenor, and both on Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms, and everywhere he goes, this mysterious man has left a trail of justice and victories in his wake.

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A rare photo of the masked hero in Orgrimmar.

But who is this elusive hero? We just don’t know. When asked for his name, he puzzlingly gives a different name every time he shows up. Whether he is wrestling a giant demon in Suramar or downing drinks in Dalaran, every time he appears, he has a completely different alias and a completely different story.

“I asked him where he had come from, how he came to be such a magnificent hero” one witness told the Glamour Gutter. “He told me that he had always thought that Illidan was really cool, and that he wanted to play something similar.”

Other witnesses asking the same question have gotten very different explanations from the masked hero.

“He told me that he just liked that eye laser thing”, said one person interviewed by the Glamour Gutter. Another person said that the hero had told her that “he had heard that demon hunters [ed: the Illidari] were really strong in the arena, and that he wanted to try it before they got balanced”.

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Pictured: the masked man(?) of mystery

The Glamour Gutter asked people on the street for their opinions of the masked hero.

“Well, he’s like, totally hot! He’s always flying around with that bare chest, his big muscles and those cool tats so confidently”, said one Silvermoon man.

“I think he’s lame. Every time he shows up, the place suddenly becomes Edgelord City. This is just death knights all over again”, said a boring and uninformed person with terrible opinions.

Any readers who have information which might help reveal the secret identity of this masked man of mystery are strongly encouraged to reach out to the Glamour Gutter with their information. But for now, this faceless hero has managed to keep in his possession both his well-kept secrets, as well as our heartfelt thanks for his selfless service.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Sun Oct 30, 2016 11:05 am

A gruesome evening in Dalaran

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Members of the Horde were recently invited to a very special evening in the magical city of Dalaran. Hundreds of guests flocked to attend the grand event, which had unfortunately been arranged to take place at the Filthy Animal inn, a venue that more than lived up to its name. The glamorous evening soon devolved into anarchy, strife and controversy, as is customary for events involving the more barbarous members of the Horde.

The party was intended to be a costume party, and unsurprisingly, most of the attendees' costumes looked like they had been put together fifteen minutes before the party began. If your idea of a costume is to put on your regular clothes and then adding a spooky mask, rest assured, you would have fit right in.

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Costumes on a budget.

Once everyone had arrived and some of the more adventurous guests had gotten a mug full of mysterious liquid from the Filthy Animal servers, the main event was set to begin: a relay race through the city of Dalaran.

The race was delayed due to poor organisation, but eventually the five teams set off on the race. Halfway through the race, the announcer loudly proclaimed that the troll team had been disqualified due to cheating (as one would expect from trolls). Then moments later, the announcer decided to retract the disqualification, and the race went on as if nothing had happened, since no one had paid the first announcement much heed.

At the end of the race, the formerly disqualified troll team crossed the finish line, but were then disqualified once again for cheating, having dishonestly skipped a number of checkpoints. The victory was assigned to the team representing the Rotgarde, a Forsaken-affiliated organisation.

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The grand victors of the confusing event.

The Glamour Gutter arranged an interview with the winners, Daleryn Ebonluck, Benjamin Buckles and Shauna Carter.

"We represent a military regiment, the Third Tirisfal Queensguard, better known as the Rotgarde. The Rotgarde are the finest troops in the Forsaken forces", said one of the Rotgarde contestants.

When asked how the team managed to secure the victory, they stated that their victory was due to "teamwork, preparation and sharp minds."

The team commented on the troll team excluded from the contest for cheating. "Cheaters are scumbags, and they had best learn their lesson quickly!"

"The Forsaken do not take kindly to cheaters. Disqualification was a kind punishment, had this occurred in Forsaken lands, they might have been executed."

The two gentlemen from the Rotgarde team also commented on their prize, which consisted of enchanted lanterns and tickets to an elven spa.

"The lamps are all right. Useful for night reading. However, we got a ticket to a massage from an elven man. That is the path to sodomy, and we will not take it!"

Our reporter asked the flustered team whether they would not typically visit elven massage parlour, and the two male members of the Rotgarde team strongly disavowed this.

"Of course we do not usually go to male elven massage parlours!" said the two Forsaken. They also pointed out that offering a spa visit as a prize for Forsaken was plainly racist, and called for more Forsaken-appropriate prizes.

The Rotgarde gentlemen were not seen to discard their spa visit vouchers.

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The Rotgarde says NO.

The final event of the night was the best costume contest. However, this event was shouted down as the more barbarous races complained that most finalists were elves. Particularly the orcs in attendance got very violent and threatening, forcing the Glamour Gutter reporter to retreat from the event.

This chaotic event shows clearly the danger of mixing the races of the Horde, particularly the more savage and violent members. Any readers considering attending future events in Dalaran should bear in mind the events of this night, and consider carefully whether mingling with orcs and trolls is a decent and safe course of action.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Minister on Sun Oct 30, 2016 11:13 am

Why are you posting events from Argent Dawn here just out of curiosity?

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Sun Oct 30, 2016 3:43 pm

Minister wrote:Why are you posting events from Argent Dawn here just out of curiosity?

Good question! The Glamour Gutter is not a tabloid about Defias, it is a tabloid run by a Defias character. I wrote it because Celesse attended and thought it was worth doing an article on it.

Celesse

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Minister on Sun Oct 30, 2016 3:50 pm

Fair point, cool. Smile


Minister

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

Post by Celesse on Wed Nov 02, 2016 6:53 am

Treachery at the Horde gathering!

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The Horde gathering was interrupted by a deadly attack on the delegates. An unknown Forsaken man posing as a drinks server poisoned most of the delegates in attendance through their drinks. Once the treachery was discovered, the gathering devolved into accusations and recriminations from the attendees.

The gathering was hosted by the Mor'shan Marauders, a brutish orc organisation based in Orgrimmar. The Forsaken assassin posing as a drinks server was surprisingly not discovered by the Marauders, despite the oddity of a Forsaken server at an Orgrimmar venue. The Mor'shan Marauders deny that they were responsible for the poisoning plot, which suggests that the lapse was due to the incompetence of Orgrimmar's security services.

The most common accusation raised during the gathering was that the poisoning was orchestrated by the infamous Venomspine Pariahs, whose misdeeds have been the subject of many previous articles. The poison used for the scheme was apparently designed to not be effective against the Forsaken, which left the Pariahs completely unscathed after the poisoning. Furthermore, although the poisoner was briefly apprehended, he was placed temporarily in the custody of the Venomspine Pariahs, who allowed the poisoner to escape.

The Pariahs claim that they did not intend to release the poisoner, and that his escape was merely due to the incompetence of their agents. However, this claim is suspect, as the poisoner was unarmed and suppressed by more than five guards.

After the Pariahs released the poisoner, he proceeded to set a large part of Orgrimmar on fire with a flurry of fireballs, after which he fled the scene. The poisoner is reported to still be at large, and we advise anyone who plans to visit Orgrimmar to exercise caution.

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Re: The Glamour Gutter

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