Untittled book.

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Untittled book.

Post by Varagan on Sat Jan 10, 2015 5:10 pm

Just testing out my penmanship here, to see if I have any talent at it.
I've been dabbling to try and write some sort of fan fiction book, with my own characters and events, that have the only correlation with WoW in that its the same world.

The events begin in the first winter after the second war where the horde lost the war and most of the Orcish race stranded on Azeroth were capture in internment camps while some roamed in the wilds avoiding the alliance soldiers to try and stay free. The story follows a heroin Named Hadrina who leads one of those renegade groups.


Chaptor one.

Subtle crackling of fire permeating through the weary tent that has seen its better days. With its top so many times repaired with the small opening for the smoke to rise through, but the past few months it was just left unrepaired and every so often a snowflake would drop through to land on the pelts covering the floor, yet it’s the only thing that’s standing between Hadrina and the harsh howling winter wind outside. Her eyes so tired yet unable to sleep, despite the warming fire the cold persist. In her mind she tries to remember the last winter, yet all she can remember with a longing is a warm summer’s breeze.
She takes in a deep breath as she curls her toes to see if they’re still there in her thick leather boots with soles tightly tied, holding her legs tight to her body while sitting upright hoping to keep herself warm as she sits near the waning fire. Her eyes slowly rising as she hopes to distract herself watching the flickering shadows cast by her sword impaled in the hard frozen soil between all the damp furs, even with her strength she remembers that it didn’t go in very deep a shallow cut with the tip at best. She sighs deeply as her eyes wander from the shadows to the rusting greatsword, the kinks and hastily repaired cracks still clear to see in the dim light, but despite that it was still a formidable weapon with its broad shape and long grip with a decorative red ribbon at its tip. It’s one sharp edge bending the flickering light, she pulls her lips on a soft smile as she’s reminded of her old teacher drilling in to her to always keep her weapons sharp and clean at all times, with all the rust at least she at least halfway followed his instructions. Thinking back on it she finds some measure of comfort in the distant thoughts. But even that does not distract her from the grim reality of the present.
“Damn it all, why did it all have to go so wrong?”
She spoke to herself as she threw another log on the fire, the wood that was gathered over the day stacked near the fire to dry it off as much as possible to help the fires keep burning over the long nights.
Suddenly she hears footsteps outside her flimsy tent.
“The watch must be changing again, so soon? Can’t be.”
Still barely talking to herself as she follows the sound of slow steps digging in freshly fallen snow. Cracking with a step after step. Coming ever closer and closer to her tent, her eyes and face raise towards the under the wind flapping tents opening. Heavy steps stopping just in front of it, as a thick dark brown leathery gloved hand reaches in to open the way, as the curtain is pulled a face appears to Hadrina. It was a green face darker green then it was usual for their kind, covered in scars long healed with eyes barely seen under the heavy thick brows, and a gray long beard tied in a single braid decorated with a dark metallic chain. It was Grund a friend who stayed with her after her warband fled in to the wilds escaping the pursuing victors of the great war.
After taking a long look at her he finally spoke in his gruff old voice, rusky and harsh yet still respectful towards his younger friend.
“The scouts back.”
He nods slowly as if waiting for that to sink in, she knew what it meant. Knowing Grund, it signified more bad news, as if freezing in these forsaken places of snow covered woods wasn’t bad enough.
“His to early coming back, must have spotted something important, his waiting for you just outside the camp.”
She narrows her eyes at him and slowly pulling herself up. Taking a step to her impaled sword, and as she walks on pulling it along with her within a single motion of her mighty arm, resting the heavy weight weapons dull edge over her armored shoulder and sheathing it on her back.
“Let’s go.”
Inhaling deep in her lungs, as if hoping to keep the warmth of the tent a bit longer before steeping outside in to the cold winter nights air. Pulling up her heavy fur coat as she stepped slowly with her boot sinking in to the soft snow, eyes taking a moment to adjust to the dark, with a sigh she looks back at the scared old face to the left, still holding the curtain back, his quiet stare saying more than any word he uttered so far. Looking back on his hand she noticed that he was distracted in thoughts.
“You can let that go now, or do you intend to let all the heat out of my tent while I’m away?”
Her words startle him back to reality as he grunts and lets go, the curtain covering the entrance once more.
“I’m worried about my boy. I keep wondering where he is, what is he doing? Haven’t heard of him since we lost the war.”
He spoke in a sad depressing tone, his gaze lifting up at the dark sky. She knew what he was going through, there was no one in these camp who hasn’t lost someone in the past few months, looking over the shambling camp of what’s left of her warriors. Unlike her they choose to share the ever dwindling number of usable tents. Hobbling together of up to five in each one, keeping their little fires lit.
After a moment she looks back at Grund’s weary face, so buried in thick fur coats. His face nodding in to the direction of the waiting scout. And without a word she turns and starts walking seeing the slim tall figure leaning on its spear, glaring back at her.
“That’s Zug, wasn’t he scouting with his brother? Why is he back alone?”
She spoke loud enough for Grund to hear her without averting her eyes away from the tall thin Orc clad in patched leather and black colored coat.
“Said he stayed behind, to watch the patrol’s movements.”
She only nodded to his answer, weather he saw it or not, did not matter.
As her steps moved ever closer she noticed in fleeting that the snow finally stopped falling, and the night grew a bit brighter, the clouds were slowly parting and the moon finally shined through.
As Hadrina finally stood in front of wheezing scout in the cold snow. She spoke in an irritated tone to the young man, he was tall true, but not that old, he was one of the few who were younger then herself, strong and once eager to please now tempered by their situation like most in the camp, reserved with a face that was saying how miserable he was. And there was more, fear he was clearly afraid of what he had to say, so unsure of himself.
“So what is it you saw, that made you run back here so fast that you’re still out of breath?” Folding her arms under her chest, as she looks under her brows up at him and in his eyes.
“They found us! They’re almost here!” Almost screaming silently at her.
That news startling her as she looks wide eyed back at Zug. Her lips curling in furry, barely containing her rage at the sudden news, why now, why here, how did they find us? All these questions boiling one after the other.
“How far away were they? Do we have enough time to pack up?”
Trying to keep her temper down from flaring further.“Yes, think so. They are moving slowly a large patrol from what I’ve seen before Hrug sent me to report back, he stayed back to find out more on their movement and numbers, but if they continue with their current speed then they’ll bound to be here at sunrise.”
Hearing those words Hadrina sank her head and gaze, looking back at Grund.
“Gather Samog, Hudar, Zagra and Ulig, tell them to gather in the middle of the camp.”
As Grund runs off towards each tent. She turns back at Zug, grips him by the coats lining and pulls his face with force down to her height, he may have been taller than her, but not nearly as strong.
“Now you’ll tell me every little detail before we speak to the others, if these is your idea of a jest or if you only wanted to get back because you were miserable out there, I swear I’ll cleave your face in half!”
Zug trembling in his boots as Hadrina held him by the collar barely able to speak from shock fear and fatigue, finally he blink with a few quick succession of nods.
“Uh, yeah yes.. they’re here it’s no joke boss”
The fear in his eyes showing clearly, that he was sincere in his conviction of the approaching danger.
“But it’s probably roughly teen to fifteen of them from what we saw in the footprints as Hrud and I followed them to see who they are and where they were going, and when we finally saw that they were humans, Hrud then sent me back to report telling me that they were heading these way, and uh, if that’s true then they’ll be here by sunrise”
His speech still ending with a wheeze, the fact that he ran all the way back still seen in in his exhaustion.
Hadrina silently staring in to Zug’s eyes as she lets it all sink in, finally she straightens herself up releasing the poor dimwit free, with a quick glance pass her shoulders she spots Grund’s eyes staring back at her a fair distance back at the central fire where he already managed to gather her lieutenants, or what passed as them from all that was left of the old veterans still capable of leading a squad.
Turning back to Zug she gives him an acknowledging nod for him to follow as she turned and took her steeps closer to the gathered group. The weary tired faces standing in a semi circle, to the far left stood Hudar, tall and strong even taller the Zug, his sleeveless vest revealing his bare thick green arms and even though he seems to want to ignore the cold it still appears to sting him enough for his thick callus hands to brush up his arms as if that will somehow ward off the biting winter chill, on his side a large double sided axe, too big to be even held on his back. Eyes stern on his unshaven face with. A jaw so thick and wide, that it gives a pause with tusks almost reaching over to bling his sight, a clear image of a seasoned Orc warrior.
To his left standing Zagra, not much shorter than Hudar. He age of her visible on her face even at the closing distance midst the night sky, and a long healed scar running from her forehead down over her left white blind eye pass her cheek where it cuts in to an ugly depression down to her jaw. Her not caring to look strong she covered herself in furs and a thick leather coat, an axe and sword on her hips with sharp daggers lining her harness, so clean and tended they are that even the moon light suffices to give them a shine.
As Hadrina keeps walking closer Zagra turned her eyes left to the raggedly clothed old Orc. Ulig was one of the last warlocks capable of escaping the warchief’s wrath and only that by being of no important note and of skill so lacking that nobody saw him as any threat. The very fact that his master left him behind as he escaped the horde during the eve of the great battle spoke volumes of his low qualities. And wearing tattered robes so often and hastily repaired that it even made the flimsy tents look new in comparison, his current staff that he was leaning on was barely a hastily carved stick with a focusing crystal of reddish colors, tied with old ropes at the tip.
The old raggedy Orc grunts with a nod then in an explosive surprise startling all around with his sudden sneeze.
At these point the one on Ulig’s left claps his gloved hand on the old warlocks back almost tumbling him forward as he for a moment losses his footing.
Hadrina stepping up at these points, narrowing her eyes at the jesting youth at Ulig’s left.
“Careful Samog, or you may invoke the mighty warlocks wrath.”
She couldn’t help but snicker as the tattered Orc grumbled underneath his brow and thick grey beard.
But soon enough as Zug makes his last step besides her she takes in a deep sigh giving one more glance up at the half moon in the see of stars, before finally meeting her gaze with a straight face back at the gathered group. Giving each in turn a glancing meeting with her eyes.
She waves with her hand as she motion at the tall slim Orc to her right.
“We have a problem, Zug here just told us that he and his brother have spotted a human patrol, and from what his be able to tell me they are heading towards our direction.” She sighs with a shallow shrug giving time for that news to sink in.
“So now we have to either pack up or leave fast, or choose to meet them head on. So any suggestion?” She tilted her head with hands on her hips. The first to speak was Zagra after her viper like stare meets with Zug’s still frightened stance.
“Gh, so how many are there? If we know the numbers we can make a better judgment on our next step.” Before Zug could speak Hudar beat his chest while still holding the side of his axe.
“I say we charge them! No matter how many there are we’ll kill em all!” Grunting he stomps the butt of his axe through the snow and in to the frozen ground.
With that said Grund could not contain himself almost screaming at Hudar’s imposing pose.
“Are you just stupid or do you want to die that badly? It is just that sort of thinking that got us in to these mess, these thoughtless charging, if we are to survive these and somehow get back home we’ll need to start using our heads more than our fists!”
Hadrina only giving a nod, and raising up her hand. Instantly silencing them both, before they could vent more frustration in a pointless direction. Grund and Hudar silently staring at each other before lowering their heads.
The long silence persistent until finally underneath his grumbling Ulig lifted his head and brushed his staffs bottom over the snow, quickly drawing a makeshift map over the area. Drawing with the shallow valley where they sat their camp and the few surrounding hills. Then stomping his staff on the point where the camp sat, depicted with a triangular tent. He looks them up at Zug speaking softly in his graveling voice.
“Boy, where would you say those human are at?”
With a startling wave of his hand Zug points to the behind one of the hills, then looks around lifting his head as if trying to find his direction then, spots Hadrina glaring at him. Only managing a subtle smile, as he shifts his hand to the opposite hill.
“That one for sure, uh yes. Behind that hill. Sorry needed to get my bearing straight”
Hadrina sighs shaking her head.
“And your our scout”, for a moment placing her palm over her face as she shakes her head then looks back down on the makeshift map.
“Alright so they’ll be going pass that mountain in a few hours then, and then follow that valley right pass our camp, wonder if they are directly looking for us or if it’s a coincident. Well, no matter if it’s only their patrol then the main body of whatever army they’re part of can’t be too far behind.”
As she lifts her eyes up she takes not that they all agree on that point. Zagra lifts her hand up cuping her chin between her thumb and index.
“Then we’ll have to break camp and douse the flames. But then do we try and ambush them or retreat?”
“Agreed” Hadrina nods, glancing at Zug then back at the rest. “If no one had any better ideas these is what we’ll do. We’ll break camp and send our sick and wounded to move down the valley, a few days ago Hrud told me there was a river further down the valley, they’ll head there and set up a new camp out of sight, while me, Hudar, Zug and a few of our warrior will stay here and wait for Hrud to get back with more news. Then we’ll decide what to do next, ambush, follow or retreat. Everyone good on that?”
Tone of her voice calm and commanding, the question at the end just a vain courtesy, everyone knew what she said were orders.
And so they nodded each in turn.
Clapping his hands together Samog, the youngest of the lot turned towards the tents and gave out a shout.
“Wake up you lazy sots! We’re breaking camp, douse the fires and pack the tents, we’re on the move again! Haha you’re all lucky the snow stopped falling. ”
Sounds of grumblings and moans of sickness as the camp finally wakes up and weary people start emerging from the windblown tents some barely able to stand from sickness, cold and fatigue. And some must have been eavesdropping since they rose up rather quickly.
Grund turns to Hadrina.
“I’ll accompany the warband to the new camping site, the sick will need some string arm to guard them in case we meet an ambush, by the ancestors we lost to many people already can’t start losing more due to stupidity, and while we’re at, I suggest Zug stays with you. He’ll be more useful with the fighters.”
Zug Almost stumbling over himself, tugging on his collar but refusing or unable to speak.
Hudar, following up after the old orc.
“And I’ll gather a few abled fighters, hopefully they’re not all shivering and shiting themselves, the foods been rotten even before the snow froze it so hard that even I have trouble chewing it. But ah, battle will do them good, we’ve been idle for far too long, you would start thinking we were all just some cowardly peons.”
Walking off with a laughing snort, his giant axe swing over his shoulder. Hadrina then turning to face Zagra.
“You find me some new scouts and run on ahead to the new camping site and make sure everything is alright over there, if you find trouble get back and inform the retreating lot to find another campsite.”
Zagra only nods in a short reply, pounding her closed fist on her chest as she nods with a respectful tone.
“As you command my warlord.”



IF you want more comment, I'm working on chapter two.




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Re: Untittled book.

Post by Varagan on Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:41 am

I'll take it that nobody liked it, disappointing, I'll stop writing then Sad

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Re: Untittled book.

Post by Lyniath on Sat Jan 17, 2015 10:49 am

Read a bit of the first part, seems very interesting, only issue is my quick skim-reading style doesn't mesh well with the text layout on this forum. Will definitely keep going, not actually read much on Orcs.

Also, wouldn't take "No response" as "people don't like it." That attitude just leads to thinking everything you do is awful, when really sometimes people just like to quietly appreciate.

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Re: Untittled book.

Post by Littlepip on Sun Jan 18, 2015 3:22 am

Very few actually comments on books and such, you can see how many likes it by looking on how many has looked at it. Minus the times you have looked.

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Re: Untittled book.

Post by Skarain on Sun Jan 18, 2015 4:19 am

Thorvald wrote:Very few actually comments on books and such, you can see how many likes it by looking on how many has looked at it. Minus the times you have looked.
This. Personally i rarely read the stories myself, unless especially asked to read and provide feedback. It is not that i would not respect the writers work but the fact that i have to prioritize my time as a day have way to few hours in it to begin with.

Still, as Lyniath said, there can be a number of readers who have appreciated the story but simply do not comment.

Do also remember that you stand amidst a dozens of writers even on these forums and even more of them roleplaying ingame, where we write the story by the actions of our characters. It can be hard to stand out from among the crowd of so many people.

If you write, do it for your own enjoyment. You don't need "talent" for it, you learn it by practice.

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Re: Untittled book.

Post by Jack Noodlemeister on Sun Jan 18, 2015 4:49 am

I don't really like reading stories posted on these forums. Not because they're bad, but because the texts general layout makes it hard to follow in a way.

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Re: Untittled book.

Post by Swan Emperor Arenfel on Mon Jan 19, 2015 4:11 pm

Writing with "I'll only continue it if I get more comments!" is a very counterproductive mindset. You'll just burn out doing that!

If you want more people to read it then you need to add line breaks. One large block of text is very unappealing to the eye, and causes the reader to lose their place very easily.

Another thing I would like to suggest for you is to watch your tenses. I found myself very confused during the story on whether or not something was happening; had happened; or was about to happen.

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Re: Untittled book.

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