Nippity Wondermantle; author extraordinaire.

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Nippity Wondermantle; author extraordinaire.

Post by Morgeth on Thu Apr 15, 2010 1:19 pm

Olaf Brewbeard narrowed his eyes and leaned in towards the engine before him, his hand almost shivering in anticipation. Regardless of its sturdy appearance, the hog remained a piece of machinery that held some delicate parts to it. It was Olaf's intention to tinker with these delicate parts, and do so successfully. His ginger beard had been scratched so many times that it now looked more like an angry bush than the well-kept beard he usually sported. As if attempting to soothe the hog, Olaf laid a hand atop its seat, caressing the leathery texture as he muttered some hushed words.
"I'll jus'.. twist this an ye'll be as good as new, my pretty."
Olaf had taken it upon himself to tend to his hog, since the only other noteworthy tinkerer nearby - that did not charge hundreds of gold for a simple cog - was a gnome that had dubbed himself "the Hog-whisperer".
"Obviously an idiot", Olaf muttered to himself, as he leaned in to carefully loosen the lid to one of the hog's hidden compartments. Inside he found a series of tubes and devices, and over him washed a feeling of quiet awe, as he once again was forced to realise how he loved this machine. He had to be careful though, he told himself; one move in the wrong direction and something horrible would surely happe-..

"What's another word for.. 'throbbing'?"

Olaf's hand slipped, the hog's innards responded with an angry sound, and all over his face - his beloved beard - came a spray of cold, unforgiving oil. The dwarf gritted his teeth, after having spat a portion of the black liquid to the floor, and turned his head glare up towards the tiny person having spoken previously mentioned, disastrous words.

"W'at?! Lass, ye should'nae interrupt when I be.. be tinkerin'! By all.. the beards an' hairy arses.." Olaf sighed and bowed his head slightly, before - again - looking up towards his companion ".. did ye say throbbin'?"

Just a few feet away from Olaf, someone had bothered to stack a number of boxes, atop which a gnome had decided to position herself. Now she sat there, peering down towards her dwarven friend, having slight trouble to keep herself from giggling at the sight of him. After all, a dwarf coated in oil made for some decent comical relief. As for the gnome herself, her name was Nippity Wondermantle, and aside from her recent giggling, she was a troubled gnome indeed. In her lap laid a large stack of parchment, over which she had clearly scribbled down a great number of lines, and it was from this stack she looked as her pen tapped against the side of the ink-stained paper.

"Yes, throbbing! It's important, you know! I .. oh. Puuulsating." A happy, little chirp broke from the young gnome's lips, and she bowed her head down over her papers again, making sure to note down her recent idea. Meanwhile Olaf had managed to grab himself a rag, and make an honest attempt at cleaning his face from the oil. Needless to say, he still looked like some washed off PETA-rescue, as he continued grumbling up towards Nippity.

"For your book, aye?" As Olaf blew his nose into the now oily rag, the author gnome turned her gaze from her work, and cleared her throat with a slight blush to her cheek. "Maybe", she responded.

A loud snort became the only initial answer, before Olaf managed to get to his feet. As he stretched himself, hands behind his back, he continued to curiously peer up towards the now quickly reddening creature. "Right. Ye know, Nip. As much as I look forward ter readin' yer work on a lonely night, ye might want to reconsider yer choice o' character, aye? Especially the names." A smirk curled the lips of the old mountaineer, and ginger eyebrows waggled as he continued "Geldur, eh? Ain't really tha' discrete. And I ain't sure how well t'ose humans would take ter ye describin' 'is .. 'pulsatin' tools, if ye get me drift."

This time it was Olaf's turn to giggle, as the gnome made a squeaking sound, rustling her papers together as if to hide what was written over them. "W-what do you mean? I-..", she cleared her throat again. "My characters are fictional, Olaf! I.. might get my inspiration from p-.."

"Paladin arses, eh?!" This time Olaf didn't giggle, but instead let out a loud, boisterous chuckle. "Do'nae play games with me, lass! We've been cruisin' around Stormwind on me hog for a reason, an' it sure ain't 'cause council business be interestin', an' damned well 'nae because of any fine brews!"

Nippity was now red up to her ears, and as she glanced down to her papers, her eyes quickly scanned a few paragraphs that contained enough chiseled chests and tight cheeks to make even a frigid night elf reconsider her choice of lifestyle. Her mind drifted towards the person which had inspired these lines, but she was quickly snapped back into reality as Olaf's loud voice was heard once more.

"W'at ye callin' it anyway?"


Biting her lip, Nippity slowly began to hug the papers, crushing them against her chest as to keep a sacred gift close. Her voice lowered, as to not reveal any secrets just yet, but her nod towards Olaf was one in confidence.

"The paladin and the harlot - 'Oh, by the light'." And there it was, the title to her upcoming book. Novel, more like, but book always sounded fancier somehow. In all truth, this was Nip's first serious attempt at publishing her erotic fiction, simply because this was the first time she had the gold to do so. A few years back, she had written a series of short stories under the name of "The grass on the other side; green love" and "Donning the velvet hat", both of which had contained rather provocative material. Needless to say, there had been orcs and the occasional troll involved and had obviously been published under a false name. Nippity did not enjoy the thought of lynch mobs. Regardless of her secrecy, however, she had been approached by a lady from the higher society of Stormwind, who had apparently appreciated her novels to such a degree that she had been willing to sponsor her writing, with the only condition that Nippity provided her with some personal short stories now and then. It was obvious then already that this particular lady had something of an orch fetish and every other week Nip simply forwarded some simple story that contained words such as "savage", "brutal", and "unbelievably large". It seemed to do the trick, and now she was finally able to push towards publishing her own work.

"Right, I be jus' sayin' tha' ye should'nae be too disappointed if it becomes a wee tad hard to make 'em appreciate the jist of it. After all, ye write good enough ter make a troll's arse blush."
Olaf smirked up to his clearly nervous companion, who kept hugging her pages so tightly that one could only imagine how dear she held this clearly fictional "Geldur" person. Eventually, he extended a hand towards her, nodding his head over to the recently opened tavern of the drunken boar.
"C'mon, lass. I'll buy ye a brew an' then we'll head over ter Stormwind."
Nippity slid from the boxes with the collection of papers still in her arms, and as she peered curiously to Olf - both of them walking towards the designated tavern - he gave her a quick wink.
"Got some research ter be done".
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Re: Nippity Wondermantle; author extraordinaire.

Post by Kozgugore Feraleye on Thu Apr 15, 2010 1:27 pm

(( Very adorable gnome! And very entertaining story too! Gave me quite a good few snickers all the way through.

Now, where do I go about getting a copy of one of those books... ))

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Re: Nippity Wondermantle; author extraordinaire.

Post by Krogon Devilstep on Thu Apr 15, 2010 1:45 pm

((i'm intrigued and aroused, what other fictional characters has the gnome come up with? ;o))
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Re: Nippity Wondermantle; author extraordinaire.

Post by Sanara on Thu Apr 15, 2010 2:33 pm

(( I resent the implication that horrors like that can be made by righteous Gnomes. Reminds me of those horrendous Scourge / Forsaken "romantic novels" T_T ))

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Re: Nippity Wondermantle; author extraordinaire.

Post by Nayan on Thu Apr 15, 2010 3:48 pm

xD

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Re: Nippity Wondermantle; author extraordinaire.

Post by Geldar on Thu Apr 15, 2010 4:27 pm

Loved it, its so funny cus` its true. bounce

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Re: Nippity Wondermantle; author extraordinaire.

Post by Valerias on Wed May 11, 2011 2:36 pm

Ahaha!

I might've just died. Thanks for pointing this out to me, Morgeth; it provided many laughs.

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Re: Nippity Wondermantle; author extraordinaire.

Post by Morgeth on Wed May 11, 2011 2:43 pm

I bet there's some of those erotic novels featuring the well known "Geldur" roaming about in the Alliance by now Wink
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